Archive for the ‘First World Problems’ Category

February: Let me sum up…

In Examining my tears #ExMT, First World Problems, Somewhat disjointed rant... on February 24, 2014 at 5:33 am

In the immortal words of Inigo Montoya: “Let me explain. No. There is too much. Let me sum up.”

February: the month of revelations and annoyances, large and small. I learned much. For example….

1. I should feel sorry for my frequent and vigorous use of adult language. I should. And, sometimes I do. But, I often don’t feel sorry. I do recognize that said language is incongruous with my Christian faith. I’m working on it. But, I’m pretty sure that you looking down your nose at me is not WWJD.

Lesson learned: Judgmental people are boring.

2. My dentist is not an orthodontist. So, I will forever kindly thank her to talk to me of the state, health, cleanliness, and hygiene of my mouth rather than asking me multiple times if I still wear my retainer. Yes. Yes, I know I have a gap. I know that. And guess what? I’ve had braces TWICE. No. No, I would not be interested in Invisalign or in getting braces again. Yes. Yes, I do wear my retainer. I still fit in it. I have a gap between my two front teeth–my sister has a gap. My mother has a gap. My grandmother had a gap. Heffa, clean my teeth, tell me if I have cavities, and let me go to work. I know my teeth are not “perfectly straight.” Based on my dentist’s preoccupation with my teeth not being “perfectly straight,” I would guess that at least 90% of her patients must have “perfectly straight” teeth. That would be an incorrect guess.

I cannot believe I paid $170.00 for these broads to give me 15 minutes worth of cleaning, 20 minutes worth of lecturing on retainers/braces/invisalign, 45 minutes of waiting, 10 minutes of an attempt to convince me that I needed new “bitewings” done when I knew good and well that I had paid for “bite wings” the last time I visited the dentist, and 2 minutes of an awkward stare down when I refused to have new “bitewings” done before the existing “bitewings” were found.

Lesson learned: My dentist is probably run by an Invisalign cartel.

3. There are many people in the world who should have gone to law school. I went to law school, and I’m now a lawyer. So, I know that there is nothing particularly special about lawyers as people. We’re not smarter, better, more attractive, more charismatic, or quicker. The only thing we have is a JD and a (hard earned) bar number.

People sometimes ask for legal advice. That’s fine. I enjoy sharing with people (sometimes for free, sometimes for a fee). I work hard at legal research to make sure I don’t give people crap advice. I like my profession.

What I dislike is a client telling me (after I give him my legal opinion) that he doesn’t like that advice, that he has a better (albeit illegal) solution, and then telling me that he should have been a lawyer.

Lesson learned: Shut up and walk away.

4. I do not like snow. I do not play in the snow. I do not look at the snow. I am not amazed by the snow. I am not happy about the snow. I do not care that you are from The North and that you are used to snow and that it starts snowing in late September where you are from. I do not care, though I am sure that’s lovely in its own way. That does not change the fact that I am from The South where we know about air conditioning, ice cream, sno cones, ceiling fans, sun glasses, shaved legs, Daisy Dukes, and dogwood trees. I do not harass you when The North has a heat wave and all sorts of emergency type things start happening. Two inches of snow presents a myriad of problems. Not the least of which being that I do not like snow.

Lesson learned: Avoid social media when it snows in The South.

5. I am who I am, and there is a reason for that and there is a place for me. I’m loud, opinionated, occasionally snobby, overly emotional, not always Rated G, vain, sometimes pretentious, obsessed with British period drama, chronically late, periodically explosive, almost thoroughly introverted, an enjoyer of beer, and unapologetically liberal sometimes to the point of socialist. That’s me. I have plenty of areas for improvement. But, the point is: there will always be something about me that is polarizing. Always. This is why enemies exist.

Lesson learned: There are methods that allow people to not have to communicate with me or be around me or even know I exist. Let them use those methods. I don’t fit in everywhere.


Being the change and other nearly impossible things

In Encouragement, First World Problems, Happiness, Using my words for good #UMFWG on February 6, 2014 at 3:11 am

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

All oft quoted, true, and useful words to live by. As a teacher, I often reinforced my classroom management with one of these phrases. They are on posters, in scripture, on pins, on t-shirts, on walls, on billboards. They are short and to the point. As you go through your day, dole out benevolence in heavy measure because everyone else should feel equally as benevolent.

At least that’s what I thought they meant.

I can be such a douche bag sometimes.

It’s not so easy to do unto others when you feel like the world is doing it unto you already. I mean, how much doing is a person supposed to endure? Now, there: there is where some evaluation had to take place (today…..perhaps as recently as 15 minutes ago….I will neither confirm nor deny that….).

1. Do I, in fact and actually, ever at any time behave in such a way that is worthy of repetition and reproduction? Answer: Sometimes. Rarely. This means that I need to get that together. Tell the truth more. Be more accepting. Be more forgiving.

2. Do I really believe that treating people the way I want to be treated will make a difference? Answer: Yes. Yes, I do.

3. Am I willing to treat people the way I would want to be treated if I had just angered someone, insulted someone, been unkind to someone? To say it another way: am I willing to apply this “be the change-ness” to those who have hurt me, rejected me, insulted me, etc.? Answer: Yikes. I usually think about treating others the way I want to be treated when it comes to giving someone my umbrella, holding the elevator, or letting someone vent to me. So, now I gotta be loving, forgiving, and honest with the broad who just insulted me? Ugh. This is really starting to sound much less grandiose.

4. But, wait! How DO I expect to be treated when I insult others, am unkind to others, am unforgiving of others? Answer: I have no idea! What I would like is for everyone to cower from the horrible gaze of my eyes and give me my way. Somehow, I feel this is not quite right. Probably what I should expect is to be corrected in no uncertain terms.

5. Do I believe that I can establish new norms for myself (and possibly others) simply by talking or not talking about something; by doing or not doing something? Answer: Yes. Yes, I do.

6. Am I willing to be mindful of the things that I talk about and do? Answer: Whoa. Whoa there. You mean that I have to cut back on gossip and cutting talk and talking about my appearance and all that? Well, that leaves me very little small talk. I will actually have to read the real news. Double ugh. Now, I have to talk about and DO acceptance and forgiveness and love and kindness. I’ll need to subscribe to Harper’s again….soon.

I mean, this is starting to sound like a real lifestyle change. GO!

Stages of returning to crazy

In and other uncomfortable topics, Choosing to see the wonderful #CTSTW, Encouragement, First World Problems, Happiness, Using my words for good #UMFWG on January 12, 2014 at 4:35 am

I’ve been arguing with myself about blogging this topic. Too private? Too personal? Ultimately, in the spirit of an Agnes Scott College alum with a political science degree who took many classes with Dr. Allende, Dr. Scott, and Dr. Cochran: I realized that the personal is, in fact, political and that politics is merely the organized exercise of power and, therefore, a true exercise of power is to discuss the personal.

I’m about to share something very personal.

The thing about me being a professional woman is that I feel that I have to hide the personal in order to be professional because the things that are personal about me can easily be seen as weaknesses and those weaknesses could be seen as incompetence and that incompetence could affect the amount of business I get and that chokes my bottom line.

I’m about to share something very personal. If you read all of this and then think that I’m weak and incompetent: come at me. I can pull myself together in 60 seconds or far less. Insert further bravado.

A very competent psychiatrist prescribed me anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication not so very long ago. In my lifetime, I’ve been through a few of these meds, but I have never had a doctor as patient and perceptive as this gentleman. He listened, and helped me find a medication that actually helped me pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back to business. Unfortunately, I had to stop seeing this great psychiatrist because of the type of practice he has. But, our closing appointment left me pretty confident that I could continue on the positive trajectory.

And, it took one nincompoop (is that how you spell it? Regardless, you know what I mean) a mere thirty minutes to destroy all of that. The doctor that I went to after Dr. Competent (like, THAT could literally be his name and no one would laugh) was somewhat less efficient. This doctor simply prescribed me whatever I told her Dr. Competent had prescribed me with no questions asked this past September. In December, I was running out and had to go back for authorization. After waiting for an hour to see her for the authorization, she walks in; introduces the med school student who is shadowing her; and, promptly says, “so when are you coming off of these meds. You should be ready. I don’t think you have that much stress going on right now.”

She had some madcap scheme for tapering me off the meds that was not at all measured or planned. In the moments, days, and weeks since that moment sitting on her exam table/couch/chair (what is that thing?), I have found out that there are stages of coming off meds. I’m sure these stages are different for everyone, but here are mine. I go back and forth through these.

1. Bravado. “Felt like crap leaving her office” was the positive tag line to how I felt. I cried. Then, I dried my tears and immediately decided to go cold turkey off the meds. Taper me? Taper THIS! You don’t know me. This world can’t handle me off meds. The meds are for YOUR protection.

2. Elation. Making a big decision like that in the face of such negative talk from a doctor was empowering. Granted, I probably had some remnant meds in my system…….but, I was functional. I was waking up, getting up, getting dressed, handling business. And, all in a more or less organized and sensible way.

3. Despair. DR. COMPETENT! PAGING DR. COMPETENT. I realized that my psychiatrist would have had a far more organized planned to help me get off the medication. I don’t have the severe nausea that some have, but even the mild physical side effects are disconcerting. So, maybe despair is a strong word. Cut me some slack.

4. Self-distrust. Is this me? Is this me coming off the meds? Is it my hormones? “Over analysis” would also be an appropriate title for this stage.

5. Self-care. Eat all the veggies.Eat none of the junk food. Do all the yoga. Drink all the water. Get all the sleep.

6. Anger. How dare she? How dare he? How dare I!? I need to get myself together. You need to get yourself together. She needs to get herself together.

7. Quiet. My favorite stage. Feeling everything all at once, but not feeling anything to the point of being overwhelmed. Not needing to express anything,

8. Sharing. Talk about all the feelings.

Acceptance Rant

In and other uncomfortable topics, First World Problems, R[evol]ution, Somewhat disjointed rant... on August 28, 2013 at 5:23 pm

I’ve been on a kick to love myself more.  I’ve been through so many phases of this: the let me be chunky if I want to phase; the let’s eat clean phase; the no more bread phase; the Marilyn Monroe phase; the I’m not buying anymore clothes until I lose weight phase.

Now (surprise, surprise, surprise) I am at the RANT and pardon my french phase.

Firstly, I am bound and determined to accept my booty the way it is. Yeah, I have a few dimples and a little jiggle. It’s rounder at the bottom than it is at the top. I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS….no amount of squatting is going to make my derriere look like the sizable assets of Deelishis or Jennifer Lopez. Why should I have to be Deelishis’s booty twin? Why can’t I just respect my booty and their respective booties? Every booty was not built the same. Google it, and I assure you that you will find millions of pictures of thousands of booties and each one will be a little different. Friends, I ask you: does every booty not deserve respect for what it is?

Secondly, cauliflower pizza is not pizza. Gedouddahere with that mess. When the battle is between the quality of my pizza versus my daily calorie intake my: either I choose not to eat crappy pizza (I assume that everyone understands that a pizza in which the crust and toppings are all cauliflower = crappy pizza) or my calorie intake gets the Fredo Corleone treatment.

Thirdly, I’m not a mom but when I become one: what’s so wrong with mommy hips and breasts? What’s with the recent rise of the anti-child birth body movement? Prince (or Duke or Viscount or Earl or whatever) George was literally TWENTY FOUR HOURS OLD and people were pointing out the fact that Duchess Kate’s tummy was protruding. She’d just pushed a cantaloupe through a garden hose….cut her some (royal) slack. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with getting into banging shape after you’ve had kids….but, what about those whose bodies literally change forever?

Fourthly, read my lips: I. DO. NOT. DRINK. A. MEAL. You know when I drink meals? When I had my wisdom teeth out. That’s about it. Do not believe the hype about these various shakes. Some of them are better than others, but NONE OF THEM taste as great as fresh and well-prepared food. Nom. Nom. Nom. That’s the sound of me chewing because I DON’T DRINK MY MEALS.

Fifthly, a walk around the block is exercise. So is a vigorous shopping trip. Screw anyone who says otherwise.

Sixthly, not everyone has a six pack. Yeah, yeah. I am saying this to make myself feel better. But, seriously. Even Dwayne Johnson (his resplendent excellence formerly known as The Rock) doesn’t in all of his tan glory have a six pack. Despite his lack of a six-pack, he seems to be doing ok for himself, what with the movies and the loveliness and all. Light bulb: maybe every belly–like every booty–is made a little differently. Get off my back about abs, Shape magazine.

Seventhly, what are raspberry ketones and whyyyyyyyyyy should I take them? Seriously, I can’t remember what all of these things are and what they do and how they help and what they hurt. Soy, for instance. Do you remember the soy craze of the ’90s and early ’00s? There was soy EVERYTHING: milk, chips, burgers, sausage, ground beef, smoothies, yogurt…. But, now, we find out that soy has estrogen (or releases estrogen or makes estrogen) and that messes up our hormones and something else that I can’t remember. Oh, ballz. I can’t remember.

Eighthly, pardon me while I walk down the block (exercise, FTW) and grab lunch (because I don’t drink meals).

Love-Peace-Booty Respect

#Fitspo Rant

In and other uncomfortable topics, First World Problems, Somewhat disjointed rant... on August 12, 2013 at 3:53 am


It’s all over Instagram and Twitter. It’s short for fitspiration, which in turn is short for fitness inspiration. It’s all about being healthy and physically fit.

Or, so I thought.

I’m nearly 5’10” and I weigh 173 pounds today. My weight hovers between 170 and 180 pounds. I’m not a small woman.  Through my mid-twenties, I was very thin. Not because I exercised, merely a result of a high-stress and hyper personality. Then, I got up to 200 pounds when I turned 25 and stayed there for a year or so. A combination of a very controlled diet, plenty of cardio exercise, a high stress working environment, and a hyper profession that didn’t allow any time for random snacking saw me drop down to 120 pounds by the time I was 27.

Thaaaaat’s not healthy. Just ain’t. May sound nice. You may think it’s nice. But, it wasn’t. My skin was dull, my hair was falling out….you get the picture. But, since the time I lost all that weight, I have been concerned about my weight and size in a way that I never was before. During this summer, I made the decision to make healthier eating choices and to pursue a more active lifestyle.

Buuuuuuuut, it’s soooooooo hard (in a first world problems kind of way). I need #fitspo! I signed up for Instagram where #fitspo and #fitspiration abound! Pictures of lovely bodies. Pictures of healthy meals with abbreviated recipes in the comments. Videos and pictures of various workout moves. I even watch the occasional radical weight loss reality show!

But, I can’t. I literally just cannot deal. Is #fitspo motivation or judgment? #Fitspo is the latest example of something promising starting to go wrong.

1. What the bloody blazes is a cheat meal? I look at some of these pictures of cheat meals and think……wait, that’s my HEALTHY meal! Since when is a SMOOTHIE a cheat meal? Since when is salsa a cheat meal? Salsa is made of vegetables and good feelings and unicorn tears.  I seriously ate salsa with cut up cucumbers (instead of pita chips) last night and thought, this is a good cheat snack. I realized last night that I have a problem.

2. Let me tell you something….that thigh gap I had when I was 12? It ain’t coming back. It’s gone. My thighs are roommates. Even when I weighed 120 pounds, I HAD NO THIGH GAP. Shut up about the thigh gap. Not everyone is built to have a thigh gap. Furthermore, no one is pushing pics of dudes with thigh gaps, and men have more of a reason to have a thigh gap.

3. I ENJOY the taste of wine. I ENJOY the bright spiciness of beef salad. I ENJOY lemon mint water. I ENJOY chocolate soy smoothies. I ENJOY bonding with friends over a delicious, healthy meal. I do NOT enjoy panicking about what I am going to eat every time some one invites me out to eat.

4. Fit looks different on every body. How did I come to the conclusion that I wasn’t fit? Walking up multiple flights of stairs was difficult. Moving around in the increasing heat of summer was more troublesome than it was last year. My clothes were “shrinking.” I was tired all of the time.

I am clearly in a fitspo funk. Sigh.

Monday Bar Review Blues and All That (Christian) Jazz

In Bar Prep Problems, Encouragement, First World Problems, Law School Problems, R[evol]ution, Somewhat disjointed rant... on July 23, 2013 at 4:55 am

Have I mentioned that I am taking the bar this summer? Have I mentioned that studying for the bar is miserable for me? It is. BUT, I am down to about 7 days before the end begins. And, let me tell you: this is a crawl to the finish. Quite frankly, I am feeling like a chip of pine bark. It has been a lonely and trying couple of months. I have experienced sadness, self-doubt, abandonment, isolation, confusion, and anger. It feels like I am being ripped to shreds–and there is no guarantee that I will pass. Like a flash of lightning, I realized that I needed some good Words.

Reading over my scripture cards (yes, I made scripture cards…type A personality! Hello!?), I experienced not my old reaction of feeling confirmation (and even pride), but rather a feeling that the words before me were goals. The words are measures of what I can achieve and reminders that God can take me to those places. These words are, for me right now, mirror and magnifying glass and window and telescope all at once. The big picture and the details feel a little clearer. I am God’s and no matter what happens, that is what really counts. In passing, I can learn more about Him. In failing, I can learn more about Him. The part of me that is closest to Him can never fail.

Here are some of the scriptures that grabbed me.

1. “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” (Matthew 6:25-26).

2. “Why should I be afraid of bad days?…” (Psalm 49:5)

3. “Nevertheless, His mind concerning me remains unchanged, and who can turn Him from His purposes? Whatever He wants to do, He does. So He will do for me all He has planned. He controls my destiny.” (Job 23:13-14)

4. “Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? . . . No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8: 35-39)

5. “You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh.” (Psalm 38:9)

6. “[God] who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God.” (II Corinthians 1:4)

7. “. . . For he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.” (James 1:6)

8. “No one will succeed by strength alone.” (I Samuel 2:9b)

9. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Phillipians 4:6-7)

10. “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed . . . ” (From II Corinthians 4:8-10)

11. “For God’s gifts and His call can never be withdrawn.” (Romans 11:29)

12. “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)

13. “Simon, Simon, Listen! Satan has demanded to sift all of you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your own faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22: 31-32)

14. “For the Lord God helps me; therefore I have not been confounded. Therefore, I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame.” (Isaiah 50:7)

15. “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3)

16. “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. There is need of only one thing.” (Luke 10:41-42)

17. “Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” (II Chronicles 20:15)

Substitute Curse Words…

In Encouragement, First World Problems, Law School Problems, Lawyer Problems, Somewhat disjointed rant... on September 28, 2012 at 5:01 am

Yes. I have a problem with my mouth. I shall not offer you any excuses. I need to come up with catchy substitutes, though. I don’t LIKE cursing. I KNOW better. It’s not lady-like!

Someone might be tempted to point out the fact that a substitute is not necessarily better than the word itself. My response: imagine I’m behind you and your youngest child/nephew/niece/sibling/mentee/babysitting charge in line at Target. Would you prefer me to yell out “OH, SMURF” if I fall or would you prefer “OH, %!@*#”??? Hmmm??? Yeah, I thought so.

Try out some of these for yourself by filling in the blank: “Who in the _____ let you wear that blouse with those shoes?”

1. Smurf
2. Toola-Roola
3. Ken doll
4. Wide, wide world of sports
5. Blazing Saddles
6. Mel Brooks
7. Huxtable
8. Zuckerberg
9. Cameron Diaz
10. Dita Von Teese
11. Wocka Flocka
12. Flaming glass of whiskey sour
13. Bananas in pajamas
14. Snuffleupagus
15. Lynrd Skynrd
16. One if by land, two if by sea
17. Road Less Traveled
18. Bean Porridge
19. Technicolor
20. Python Print Leggings
21. Inego Montoya

I’m personally partial to #1, #15, and #19. Feel free to steal one of my technicoloring awesome substitutes for your own use.

Open Letter Re: Law School

In First World Problems, Law School Problems, Somewhat disjointed rant... on September 27, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Dear Professor,

You know how you assigned 150 pages of reading? Yeah, that snatched my motivation to even BEGIN reading. Thus, I read 5 pages and gave up. You know that time you assigned 35 pages of reading? That was do-able. Thus, I read all 35 pages AND took notes.


Dear Person Who Has Lots of Questions:

I respect your love of learning. But, your questions are confusing. Please set up an appointment with Professor ____ during office hours.


Dear Person Who Whispers During the Whole Class:

I can hear you. A lot.


Dear Person Who Always Name Drops During Class:

I have no idea who you are talking about. Please stop.


Dear Person Who is Secretly Racist/Sexist/Homophobic/Religious Bigot/Ageist/Etc.:

We all know. Every time you open your mouth. We know you are not playing Devil’s Advocate.


Dear Person Who Like Me Zones Out Every Now and Then:

Hit me up on Google chat so that we can set up a schedule. I can pay attention while you are zoned out and vice versa. Then, we can trade notes after class.


Dear Person Who Works at a Law Firm:

Every hypo in class does not relate to your firm. I promise.


Dear Professor:

I will not object or feel shorted if you end class early. I will, however, be annoyed if you finish your material an hour early and then have a “discussion.”


Dear Professor:

Not all of us will work at big firms. I’m just saying.


Dear Person in Class Who is Sick:

Go home. Please. Attending today’s class WILL NOT make the difference between an A and a C.


Dear Person in Class Who Did Not Bathe:

Please re-evaluate your priorities. Thank you.


Dear Person Whose Phone Rang But You Are Trying to Ignore It:

We all know it’s your phone. Just ignore the call. It’s all good. It can happen to the best of us.


Dear Person in Class Who Is A Gunner:

I respect your hustle…kind of.

30 Things for 31

In Encouragement, First World Problems, Somewhat disjointed rant..., Thoughts on Christianity on September 23, 2012 at 8:02 am

Thirty was a bittersweet year. I mean that literally. Have you ever had bittersweet chocolate or a glass of good champagne? Bittersweetness has a tangy bite that quickly spreads to the back of your throat and a smooth sweetness up front. Being 30 was like that, and 31 is shaping up to be the same. Did someone say champagne? Here are 30 thoughts flying around in my head at the beginning of my 31st year.

30. Use your money. Don’t just spend it. Give 10% to a good cause, save 10%, pay your bills and then USE the rest. To use your money, only shop at quality establishments and only buy quality products….but when you find quality use your money to support it. Urban Outfitters? Meh. Second Generation Importers of designer African apparel? Yes, please!

29. This is gonna sound way frilly, but you need a signature scent. Whether it’s deodorant, body spray, soap, toothpaste, or lotion…you should have a scent that you love. Emotions are closely tied to our sense of smell (ergo, aromatherapy). Your scent should remind you of YOU! Me, I’m deep into the spice game: myrrh, frankincense, lavender, patchouli and sandalwood.

28. There is one thing that you don’t need more of. For me, it’s handbags and lip gloss. Sometimes, I’m trolling the cosmetic aisle, and I think, “Really, heffa? You need lip gloss like another hole in your head.” Identify your item and make a conscious effort to cut back.

27. Comfortable shoes! I’m about that life. I mean…..they HAVE TO be cute, too. I intend to make it to the grave with these same clodhoppers in good working order. Chicken George said if a tree ain’t got no roots, you ain’t got no tree. Well, what happens if you ain’t got good feet? Huh?

26. Buy clothes in the correct size. Not too big. Not too small. You deserve a tailored look. Plus, whatever you THINK you’re hiding with the wrong size is not being hidden. Everyone knows.

25. Politics is the opiate of the American masses. Marx said religion was the opiate of the masses. Dude, an ambassador was KILLED and we’re still talking Todd Akin? Seriously? Politics: opiate. Boom: done. Opiates numb the pain of what’s REALLY wrong. Opiates stimulate your mind and starve your body. Politics: opiate.

24. Rudeness is never the answer. People remember getting snubbed the way they remember Christmas. No lie. Be sharp, be to the point, but be courteous.

23. Woodsboro Baptist Church needs to SHUT UP. The KKK is AGAINST them. I am against them. Woodsboro made ME AGREE WITH THE KKK. Moreover, the KKK has protested against Woodsboro, but 700 Club et al haven’t said much. Something is really wrong with that. Woodsboro doesn’t speak for Christians….and certainly not for Jesus. I’m really pretty hacked off that I was forced to agree with the KKK.

22. You know what kills jealousy? Honesty. I’ve had a few people of whom I’ve been jealous. I had the good sense to tell a couple of them how I felt. Amazingly, exposing jealousy and envy will kill them.

21. Heartbreak heals. I promise. But, you have to treat it like you would a sprain: a little rest and then you have to start going back to your regular schedule of life. You may temporarily be unable to achieve a certain range of emotion, but it will come back.

20. Horoscopes? Really? C’mon, son. I will narrowly agree with you that, because our bodies are mostly water and the moon affects water, the moon ergo can affect our bodies and moods. Narrowly agree.

19. You voted for Obama just because he’s Black and you’re Black? Really? C’mon, son. Dr. King said that America needs to get to a place where people are not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. You should vote for a candidate because you agree with his/her politics. It is super cool that my candidate is also Black, but I happen to agree with most of his politics.

18. “Bettah come back down from Mars. Gul, quit chasin cars. What happens when the dough gets low, ’cause you ain’t that fine no way! No way!” I’m from Atlanta, and therefore I am required to quote Outkast from memory at a moment’s notice. More important is the truth of the quote. I know you’re cute, sis. It doesn’t last, though. Invest into your talents and education the way you invest in your looks.

17. Your family is who your family is. Period. Every family has a portion of dysfunction.

16. Love doesn’t hurt and it isn’t selfish. Period. A person who loves you shouldn’t feel an impetus to “try to make you better.” What is this? Pygmallion? Ugh. A person who loves may well inspire you to be better and support you in your efforts at self-improvement. Moreover and for the record, co-equals in a relationship do not discipline each other like children. A loving eros relationship does not involve physical discipline, timeout, or the silent treatment as a frequent characteristic.

15. Share an encouraging word at any time. At all times. From the most genuine part of yourself. If you can’t be encouraging, you need to stop and go find time and space to be encouraged.

14. Gut impressions are usually correct. Not necessarily first impressions. But, those deep, down, intuitive vibrations that you have about someone….trust that.

13. Keep your eye on someone who talks too much. No offense to those of you who talk a lot, but…..I always wonder if super-talkative people are trying to cover up something, trying to distract me from something, or trying to keep me from saying something.

12. Keep your eye on someone who is NOT in the military or law enforcement, but carries a gun all the time. Again, no offense to those of you who stay packing, but when I was kid a person in my neighborhood only carried a gun if s/he needed a gun. Never have I ever in 31 years been trolling my local Home Depot and thought, “Damn. If only I’d had a gun….”
11. For real, if you have to walk your dog with a chain instead of a leash….you may want to rethink your fitness to own THAT dog.

10. I have very few regrets about things I’ve said or done. I have more regrets about things I left unsaid or undone.

9. I’m a Southerner; I have a Southern accent; I’m a Black Southerner with a Southern accent. I’m from the land of hospitality, fried chicken, and lost causes. I know what it’s like to be in the minority AND in the majority. I’ll go toe to toe with anyone of any color from any part of the world. Go ahead, judge me by my accent. Go ahead, judge me by my skin color. When life leaves you inthe dust, you’ll know how much your judgment was worth.

8. You’re looking for money? Good luck with that, and let me know when you find it. Last time I talked to Bill Gates, he told me money wasn’t missing. What you need to find are dreams, hopes, talents, gifts, and education.

7. One woman’s ex is another woman’s future.

6. Laugh hard, loud, and uncontrollably AT LEAST once a day.

5. Sticks, stones, and words can inflict similar amounts of pain….just in different ways.

4. A friendship lost is a lesson learned. Just make sure you actually learn the lesson.

3. Speaking in tongues is not about what comes out of your mouth, it’s about what’s going on between you and God.

2. C’mon, son. Which one is it? Single and satisfied? Single and sexy….!? Ugh. I have to la boom vent suite 🙂 on this one. If I hear one more TIRED cliche about single women, I’m gonna….well….I’m gonna BLOG about it. For real, what does this mean: “A woman should be so wrapped up in God that a man has to search for God to find her.” What? I have so many questions re: that quote (or whatever variation you prefer). I’m really not sure what that means. It sounds REALLY cool and awesome, but in application does it mean that if I am not in a relationship that I’m not wrapped up in God enough…? Jesus said “Love the Lord….love thy neighbor.” THOSE are the big two commandments. Wrapped up….? I just…I can’t. More blog coming later re: this.

1. You are the clay; God is the potter. Life is the potter’s hands, expertly shaping you. God is everywhere, all at once. His fingerprints are in the skies, on the trees, within the calls of the birds. Life is about embracing God. I don’t say “finding God”….because He isn’t lost. Life is about coming to terms with the fact that He is everywhere and that He is near at all times. He’s near, but you have to embrace Him.

Networking and Nincompoopery

In First World Problems, Law School Problems, Lawyer Problems, Somewhat disjointed rant... on September 18, 2012 at 2:56 am

I read a recent post on a blog that shall remain nameless. The post claimed to give advice to 1Ls on how to have a successful first year. Unfortunately, the post did nothing of the sort. It was the sort of post written by someone who stressed out over law school and believes/wants every law student to do the same.

I’m a person who stressed out over law school, spun my wheels, and got stuck in the mud. I’ve had wonderfully triumphant moments and terribly discouraging moments. I do not, however, believe that every law student has to be stressed to the bone in order to do law school successfully. Without further ado, here are some thoughts about a successful law school year.

1. It’s a weed out system. I know that’s messed up, but it’s true. Law school prides itself on being a sifter that separates the potential lawyers from everyone else. It’s a weed out system. Know that, embrace it, but refuse to be ruled by it. If it wasn’t a weed out system, explain why you are assigned 50 to 100 pages of reading a night. Bad advice will tell you that you have to be the highest in your class that you can possibly be. I do think grades are important, but there are other equally important parts of a lawyer’s skill box: writing, speaking, practical experience.

2. You know that random lawyer you met who is a partner at Big Firm, LLP? Let’s be honest. She may not remember you. Even though you gave her your card. Even though you took her card and sent her an e-mail. Networking is not a magical skill that will unlock the doors to jobs and riches. Bad advice will tell you that you should be at some random meet-n-greet every week. Good luck with that. I’m going to go on a bit about this one, because networking is the one that sticks in my craw.

Networking is not the most important thing you can do to secure yourself a job. If you are just going out to meet people in the hopes of landing a job, I honestly believe that you have missed the point. Human beings crave connection and relationships. Believe it or not, lawyers are human, too 🙂 Personally, I don’t look for opportunities. I look for relationships, camaraderie and collegiality. I look for ways that I can truly connect to a person.

3. Professionalism does not mean you have to be stiff. Professionalism is more about your character than your clothing. Your law school colleagues may not remember that Oscar de la Renta suit you own, but they will remember if you cheated, if you were rude, if you tore pages out of library books, if you gossiped too much, or if you didn’t do good work.

4. You need to find a balance between preparation and sanity. Good luck with trying to read every case every night. You’ll be tired, crazy, annoyed, and annoying. Sometimes you need to close the book, cut your losses, and go to bed. If you get embarassed in class for not being prepared….well, I’ve been embarrassed in class on occasions when I WAS prepared AND when I WASN’T. Get yourself some case summary supplements and black letter law outlines.

5. You should not be constantly worried about finding a job. What will worry get you? Nothing. Yes, the economy is bad. Yes, Big Firm, LLP has cut back (severely) on the number of new attorney hires every year. You get the once in a lifetime opportunity of cutting your own path. The sky is literally the limit right now. JDs are branching out into human resources, mediation, politics, insurance, and numerous other positions. The box is no longer there, so you might as well think outside of it.

What other kinds of bad law school advice have you been given?