Thankful for my friends

In Uncategorized on July 18, 2015 at 12:26 am

I have not written in a long time. 

While I’ve been “away,” I furthered my law practice, got married, and moved in with my husband. I’ve gained some pounds, lost some pounds, cut off some hair, konmari’d the awesomeness into my organization system, and become re-addicted to Lisa Frank, Hello Kitty, and Care Bears.

And, I realized (rather foolishly and quite recently), that I have two genuine women as friends. I have not (rather foolishly) not written about these two women before. I have (rather foolishly) spent a lot of time pondering the friendships that I have lost. Quite without being fully cognizant of it; without wishing for it; without praying for it; without weekly mimosa-and-gossip brunches…I have what I need and what I want. 

I would not dare call myself a best friend to either woman; and, that sits well with me. I don’t have that deep knowledge of either of them to warrant that label. And, that seems to be fine with both of them. For me, it is an even and (dare I say) balanced feeling. We are what we are at the moment that we are in. I am so grateful for that. It is rare to meet a person who opens his or her hand to offer nothing more than that: a hand to hold–no gimmick, no guilt, no guile, no greed.

But, I have.

And, I am so grateful for the fact that they will answer my random-anxious-late-night-depression-fueled iMessages and Google chat messages (or, Hangouts…I think it’s called, right?). I am so grateful that they each will share with me some of the difficult moments of their lives. I am grateful that they have truly rejoiced in some of my good moments. For every ill-gotten lesson that taught me that I have to always put my friends first; that I have to bait my life choices by the whims of friends; that I have to conform to the image that my friends have of me: I have been blessed with the freedom to be as potty-mouthed; as oddly-unexpectedly religious; as child-like; as ridiculous; as dramatic; as balls-to-the-wall as I truly am. 

And, they are there. Whether approving or disapproving, I know that they approve or disapprove of my actions and attitudes rather than myself.

They are there. It might be two days or two months, but they are there. I am thankful. They have brought back to me something that I had lost. They have given me back the right to be myself and to not constantly wonder “is she still my friend” and to reach out in ways that are comfortable for and to know friendship is about wonderfully imperfect and screwed up people (usually) trying really hard to love each other.

I love my friends.


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