EXTRA! SO VERY EXTRA!

Dear Douchebags: social mental illness

In Uncategorized on January 12, 2014 at 5:02 am

Dear Douchebags of the World:

I am sick of you. All of “you people” who aren’t happy in life, who have given up on dreams, who don’t feel worthy of more, who are dissatisfied with what you have, who refuse to attempt happiness, who find joy in perverse bitterness, who spread evil words. You make me sick. In fact, you make society sick.

Those who aren’t happy in life feel it their God forsaken right to point out the unhappiness in the lives of others. Those who have given up on dreams feel a responsibility to stomp on the dreams of others. Those who don’t feel worthy of more spread the famine of dissatisfaction. Those who are dissatisfied with what they have infect themselves and others with greed. Those who refuse to attempt happiness sap the energy out of others. Those who find joy in bitterness are like a mold over the compassion of others. Those who spread evil words that bring their barbed wire of envy and jealousy.

Today, I realized that I am angry at douchebags. But, I’ve been turning that anger in on myself and blaming myself for associating with douchebags who pricked my jealousy and dissatisfaction and unhappiness. I’m not depressed or anxious or anything of the sort. I mean, I am but that’s not what I am. Not really. I’ve been surrounded by douchebags!

As much as it pains me to admit it, I cannot blame all mental illness on the douchebags of the world. But, in my highly unstudied scientific opinion, I think much of the addiction, abuse, depression, anxiety, and hurt in the world can be blamed on douchebags of various levels.

The worst thing that you douchebags do is to convince average, quirky people to focus on their flaws and their impracticalities and their weaknesses until the average quirk no longer sees himself in the mirror. His reflection is clouded by your venom. Every person has a collection of strengths and weaknesses. In fact, I didn’t really learn my strengths until I became sure of my weaknesses. But, what you douchebags do is to pick at the weakness until it’s red and inflamed and impossible to miss.

So, my advice for all douchebags: shut up. Shut up. Shut up. No one needs your poison. No matter how you dress it up. You can call it observations, words of wisdom, advice, prayer requests, friendship, leadership traits, evaluation meetings, gossip, girl talk, tea, love……whatever. It’s poison. Just know that no matter how much of your poison you pour out, you will still be full of it. No amount of pushing someone down is actually going to uplift you.

No amount.

Furthermore: everyone knows that you are, in fact, a douchebag. You can smile, you can laugh, you can make nice. But, in the end, you make yourself known. Sooner or later (maybe at this very moment), some average quirk who you’ve screwed over is mustering up the courage to expose you for who you are.

The saddest thing is that you can change. You know you can. We’ve all seen “A Christmas Carol.” It takes just as much energy to speak encouraging words as it does to speak evil words. Oddly enough, it takes no energy at all to keep your mouth closed.

But, douchebags always think they’re in the right. That’s the nature of douche baggery. History is full of douche bags who thought they were in the right who were later hunted down like dogs and exposed to public contempt. Don’t argue with me, that’s history bro. History always repeats itself. Always, in some way or another.

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