EXTRA! SO VERY EXTRA!

Rant on Rants

In and other uncomfortable topics, Somewhat disjointed rant... on August 13, 2013 at 10:07 pm

Rant: A COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS (USUALLY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE OR CLEARLY AGGRESSIVE) LIGHTLY RELATED TO A CENTRAL THEME.

An organized, expository essay on a topic is NOT NOT NOT NOT a rant. Rants have CAPITAL LETTERS in INAPPROPRIATE PLACES and chains of letters meant to express ANGERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR and ANNNNNNNNNOYYYYYYANCE.

Come with me, and I will show you a ranter’s thought patterns.

1. Upon looking at the people listed in one of my many social media friends lists: GETTTTTTT OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF MY FRIENDS LIST. Why are you on my friends list? You HAAAAAAAATE ME and I know it. I mean, the fact that I see you there is tempting me to ask you: WHAT THE BALLLLLLS IS YOUR PROBLEM? WHY ARE YOU A SKA-DOUCHE-KA-BAG-KA? Let’s cut through the middle men and just simultaneously delete each other, ok? On the count of THREE. 1-2-3.

2. After reading a bunch of stuff: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY are you telling me the words I am reading do not mean what I know them to mean? ONE OF US IS A BONOBO DRESSED UP IN A SUIT. And, I don’t have on a suit.

3. Upon entering a bathroom: WHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE is the soap? Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……HULK SMASH.

4. Upon listening to a loud, obnoxious man attempt to hit on a woman at a courthouse. She repeatedly asked him, “Do you have ADD?”: SIR, WHY? WHY? WHY ARE YOU SWEATING SO PROFUSELY? WHY. AND, NO MA’AM….HE DOESN’T HAVE ADD…..HE IS SIMPLY A FREAKING TURD BECAUSE IT IS ALLLLLLLLLLLLWAYS APPROPRIATE TO DROP F BOMBS….IN THE COURTHOUSE…IN FRONT OF CHILDREN. SIR, GOD CALLED….AND HE DIDN’T SOUND TOO TICKLED.

(And, finally, the piece de resistance of RANTS)

5. UGH!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: