Pushing Back Against Anger

In Encouragement, Friendship, R[evol]ution, Somewhat disjointed rant... on June 11, 2013 at 4:16 am

Anger will come like a flood through the weakest section of the retaining wall that protects your life. Something will happen that needles that weak spot and next thing you know: the anger, the tears, the self-doubt, the pity are all rushing through covering and obscuring the fertile and green places in your life.

But, maybe that’s just me.

So, maybe I’m talking about me. I have a weak place: my personal relationships. My friendships have for years been a source of stress. To be honest completely honest in a highly public forum (yikessssss), one of the reasons that I was deemed to be a good candidate for group therapy was my lack of long, close friendships that lasted through the various transition phases of my life. To translate that out of head shrink (c’mon…I kid, I kid) speak: I reach a milestone in life, and my ability to hold onto friendships takes a nose dive.

In this age of social media, everything needles the weak place for a person who sucks at keeping friends. People are talking to each other everywhere. All the signs point to most people moving through life with a circle surrounding them. There are tweets, status updates, instagrams, and four square check-ins that seem to underscore my weak place.

My point is this: most people (I’m thinking all people, but I hate making blanket statements) have a weakness. Maybe you have one. Maybe, like me, you get angry when that weak place is poked. Today was THAT DAY for me. And, usually, days like today turn into a 3-day funk involving me beating up on myself. But, this time I am choosing to push back against that anger and hurt.

First of all, I am going to consider that there may be a purpose for my weakness. In fact, I do believe that there must be a purpose for my weakness. Whatever the reason, when I drift away from people I am forced to do some reflection and enter a period of quiet. I often get back in touch with the direction that I am meant to go in. While I have lost many great friendships, I am sure that I have also been better off for losing contact with some people. Also, my own loneliness has made me particularly sensitive to loneliness and sadness in others. This means I’m a huge sap, but I also get the blessing of knowing how to reach out to others.

Next, I am not going to focus on the thought that there must be something wrong with me. There need not be anything wrong with me. Hard things happen in the course of life. I’m not the only one with this issue. This step is going to be difficult. Traditional logic will tell me that I must be the common denominator and that I must be doing something wrong. Be that as it may, but focusing on that will not fix it. Focusing on that is doing nothing more than encouraging me to give up on me.

Finally, I am going to promise myself that, no matter what tomorrow feels like, I am going to face it and remain true to myself. I am not going to lie to myself about how I feel. I am not going to allow myself to have a free pass to feel sorry for myself all day. I am going to love me and take care of me tomorrow. Bit by bit, I am going to shore up that weak place. Ironically, I know that’s work I must do alone.


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