The beauty of rejection

In Encouragement, Friendship, Love and Romance, R[evol]ution, Somewhat disjointed rant... on May 25, 2013 at 4:51 am

The title is meant to be inspiring. Positive. A definite sunny side statement.

But, the reality of facing rejection and–even worse–remembering and reliving it is like looking at the sky from the bottom of a pit. There is darkness and depth all around and you know that there is something better and beautiful at the surface.

I battle the memories and reality of rejection from time to time. I used to be consumed and paralyzed by rejection. I felt that all of my important relationships ended in rejection. In the end, I came to feel that why try? Why extend myself? Why allow others to extend themselves to me? I hated rejecting others as much as I hated rejection of myself. But, once I stopped extending myself….I became Me-Lite. Less of who I am. Less of who I am meant to be.

Therapy and counseling are hard work. I had to face the reasons for the rejection–and they were many and varied. Timing wasn’t right; relationship was abusive or manipulative; relationship wasn’t about who I am or who the other is, but rather what we hoped the other to be; relationship was co-dependent; divergent growth; the season was simply over. But, it turns out that none of these are reasons for me to back away from being me.

But, mostly I worked on focusing on the people who loved me and the people and things that I love. My parents, who made it their business to see to it that I made it through law school. My boyfriend, who made it his business to work with me and grow with me. My family–both blood and bond–who make it their business to laugh and cry with me. They deserve to know the real me, particularly because they show that they will love me because of and, sometimes, in spite of who I am.


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