EXTRA! SO VERY EXTRA!

Heartbreak Rehab

In Encouragement on October 26, 2012 at 3:07 am

I am. I’m in repair. I have a broken heart. I’m past the angry phase. I’m past the bitter phase. I’m at the tender phase. That’s the phase when I feel completely 100% until some event or phrase or person seems to poke me right in the tender place left in my heart. When that happens, I just want to know why. Why? What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve to be hurt? Then, I begin to hurt. I begin to mourn that lost relationship. Did I spend enough time with that person? How is s/he? Was there something more that I should have done?

I am writing this only because I suspect that I am not the only one at this place in my life. I am writing this because today, in the midst of my mourning, a realization hit me. I have been here before. I am writing this because I am going to take this opportunity to poke the tender place in my heart, in hopes that I can finally heal and accept the end of a relationship.

I have been here before, and I made it through. Each time I learned something about my own strengths and weaknesses. For instance, I’ve learned that I can be extremely independent and resourceful. I can get powerfully angry. I can be very protective of those close to me. I have a deep sense of justice and injustice. Without heart-break, it might have taken me until the age of 40 or 50 to learn these things about myself.

So, I’m in repair and I refuse to lose hope. I refuse to believe that I am fatally and fundamentally flawed. If I were, I wouldn’t be in repair. The same goes for you.

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  1. […] Yesterday, I gave myself permission to feel heartbreak and pain. I didn’t run from it. I didn’t scold myself for not “being happy.” I didn’t try to talk it out with someone else. I just felt it; I walked around in it; I saw what it was made of. I realized that it was full of shame, sadness, helplessness, and hopelessness. Then, I gave myself to permission to walk away and feel something else. […]

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